


Half of My Soul

by IdrisSmith



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, F/M, I have a lot of feels, Not Beta'd, Reylo - Freeform, Technically No One Died?, This is an AU, We Die Like Men, we suffer together, why am i like this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 09:28:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22847938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdrisSmith/pseuds/IdrisSmith
Summary: Rey was born with the memories of her past life, a past life where her most vivid memory is the smile of Ben. She spent all her life searching for him in every face she saw. While he, he was born without, left unburdened by memories of the person he loved with all his heart and guilt as well as loneliness that once plague his soul.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 9
Kudos: 72
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	Half of My Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this twitter prompt](https://twitter.com/strawberryxtalk/status/1231055561895989248?s=20).
> 
> I shall accept death, that's all I can say.
> 
> Don't yell at me though, I'm actually soft.

All her life, Rey missed someone. He haunted her dreams and filled her thoughts during her waking hours. Some days she would wake up remembering a smile and that would be the best day of her life, other days she would spend the entire day lagging because she recalled how he slipped through her fingers and she couldn’t grab a hold of him, couldn’t save him even if that was all she wanted. He only ever smiled at her that one time and her heart ached whenever she remembered how young he looked while he was looking at her.

They said she was an old soul. That she lived for millennia and that she was wise for her age. Perhaps that was the truth because she always felt out of place, feeling she was older than she was meant to be. She remembered a life where she was a warrior, holding bright swords defeating the evil that threatened the galaxy. She remembered how he was there right by her side, charging into the darkness to end the war of all war.

It was difficult to explain it to people, so she stopped. Not even her parents understood why she was looking for him in every face she saw. He was a memory she could never quite let go. Some suggest a previous life she could never forget. She couldn’t say she disagreed—not when she could see him as clear as day, cape billowing behind him in the strong wind. He became her secret no one understood it. He didn’t exist, he was an imaginary friend, he was a phase.

He was everything.

His face became clearer with each passing year and her mind began to understand the memory better. The way he looked at her with nothing but adoration always shocked her, the way his gaze fell when she didn’t take his hand left her feeling cold. She didn’t want to forget him, so she didn’t try. Even as the years passed by, she kept looking for him in every face, any face.

She wouldn’t remember him as vividly if she wasn’t meant to find him again, right?

So, she held out hope.

Today though, today she wasn’t looking. Twenty-one years of her life have come and gone. She was loved and she grew up safer than the ‘her’ in her memory. She wasn’t alone or fighting for her life. There were moments when she was sad, like when her cat Bebe died of old age or when her paternal grandmother passed away due to cancer, but that was life. For the most part, she didn’t lack anything. She didn’t have siblings—just like ‘her’ in her memory, yet she had cousins and friends.

She was happy.

And she still missed him.

Even when she didn’t want to, her thoughts circled back to him. Even when she wasn’t looking, her heart yearned to find him. It was getting harder to breathe as if half of her was missing—like she was incomplete. That was what he was for her in that life—half of her soul, her soulmate. No one can complete the missing piece—no one but him. And she wasn’t sure if he even existed in this life, whether he was born happier too. She hoped he existed and that he had a good life.

As she wandered through the city, she wondered if she was doomed to live a life without him again. Only this time, she wouldn’t even get the chance to kiss him. Yes, she remembered that vividly, the memory came crashing like a tidal wave when she was fourteen and kissed a boy for the first time. She was a late bloomer, and really, the braces didn’t help. Since then, her life was separated between the time when she had was the memory of his smile and the memory of how soft his lips felt against her followed by that smile.

It always made her feel loved—that smile. Not the kind she felt with her family, something different with as much warmth. She wanted to burrow into it and let herself be surrounded by it.

Yet, how can you love a person you’ve never met?

No, she met him before. He was her enemy, he was her friend and he was the love of her life. And their love affair was cut far too short. She hated it, she hated how lonely she remembered herself in memory felt. Taking his advice was hard, but she did it—she killed the past. The burden of a name, the weight of an order, she broke it to pieces the way she knew he would. Her past self lived missing him, she didn’t want to do it again.

She wanted to look ahead and just then—

_ Ben. _

His name almost fell from her lips. She must have looked like a wreck because the stranger with his face and intense gaze was looking at her with concern. He was there, still towering over her and still just out of her reach.

Her heart falter.

The people walking around them were giving her a weird look. She looked like a woman who was looking at a man she loved while he, he looked—he looked confused but calm, maybe a little indifferent. Maybe it was her curse to carry all the memory of what once was while he was free from it. He appeared to wait for her to say something—anything but was distracted by his friend.

“Oh come on, Ben.” Her gaze flickered to the man beside him. Ginger, as tall as he was and she felt she had seen him in a previous life as well, only that portion of her memory was not clear. She wanted to cry. His name was Ben in this life too, she wanted to know whether it was short for something. Is it short for Benjamin? Or is it short for Benedict?

She remained rooted as he turned to his friend, already forgetting her.

“Please, we both know that Gwen will make the first move.” She heard him speaking, free of worry and burden of his former life. “Even if my cousin has the balls to ask her out first, she’s still far too calculative.”

The ginger man was cackling. “Oh, that’s true. Kay would have a wall full of probability and such.”

“You can expect that much from a Math professor, Armie,” he replied, smiling widely back at his friend.

Her gaze followed them as they walked past her. His smile was wide and he was laughing. Something in her fell apart. She wanted to fall to the ground and sob, though she didn’t. She followed the sound of his voice, watching him talking to his friend animatedly.

Before she could stop herself, her feet started to move to tail him. She hid around the corner when he looked back suspiciously, no doubt checking to see if someone was following him. It was human instinct after all. He didn’t spot her though, turning back to chat with his friend again without worry. The way he was at ease with himself left her with both the sense of happiness and sadness. A mixed cocktail of emotion she wasn’t ready to process.

All she knew was that she wanted him to smile at her instead.

If only she was braver…

She was not.

So, she remained hidden behind the wall, watching as he walked further away, throwing his head back laughing at a joke she was too far away to hear and thought…

_ ‘I’ve only ever seen you smile that one time…’ _


End file.
